|
Lover of the mail-in Chips
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 5th, 2004|11:58 pm] |
You pull up
I could smell you coming for 30 minutes
You introduce me to your company
I show recognition of the existence of other life present beside you and me
You stand there looking more tempting than I picture you in my constant fantasy
The door stays between us but I can feel your touch already
We chat about today
While I think why you wont be with me tonight
You start to leave
I boldly move closer
Only a brief brush of skin to skin, lips to lips
but I never saw our eyes once meet
You leave
I stay to preoccupied with my disbelief in why you ignore what even you've said is between us.
I inhale and think of the reasons why not
Presence of awkwardness in our situation removes doubts and just leaves worries. |
|
|
| Semp to Pimp. Str8 Skillz style yo! |
[Feb. 3rd, 2004|01:18 am] |
|
Apologies. And bless you. The new vehicular capabilities of my current purchase have kept far away from this hide-out of mine. Hence little postings and shittles for who ever the fuck cares. Things between me and my other have not been too great so I have taken a stance of letting her take control of the situation if she wants. If not there are other options for me, though I will miss this beauty who's eye I caught so quickly. Either way though new computer comes in tomorrow. 1GB SDRAM will be holding my nuts for awhile so there will be new great happenings from this individual. On a lighter note you're a sick fuck. Just look at yourself. Jesus Christ man, how pathetic can you be. Seriously what stops you in the morning from painfully removing body parts so you can feel the pain you bring upon the rest of us with your ridiculous imperfections. You make me vomit in a way only grandma could top. |
|
|
| ATTENTION |
[Jan. 20th, 2004|12:28 am] |
|
It has been brought to my attention by the behaviors of almost every individual I gain any information on, that you are all bitches. Please will someone have a strong will, an aggressive attitude, a violent action, a passion, or anything else but motiveless ponderings and piles of maladaptive biological scum for workings. In general I'm just ordering this to all individuals who might happen upon this writing. Its horribly sad when I continue to stay hiding from the society I know, not because of fear, but because of apathy for anyone's hopes out there. You have all displayed the traits of meat sacks being only moved by outside forces and having no drive at all to yourself. I am stating this for your own sake. Stop stating that you're unique, or trying to be unique. There is no need to use unrequired energy to hope to impress people out there so that they can know you are something special. The more you try to drive yourself for the sake of being an individual the less you are one. Take the paths that are infront of you and act how you shall in only the situations you are required to act and stop being a pussy shit that needs to stop and think about what you are doing. Know what you are doing, know where you are going. But dont attempt to get yourself there, be there. Please recognize that there is no past, no future, just now, and that the only measurement of self is how much of a force you can exert to change the present. |
|
|
| OP! |
[Jan. 18th, 2004|05:36 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Mariachi's outside | ] |
So I feel like a rich man now. I've been spending the last few days with a girl my friend introduced me to, named Jenn. I feel scarely comfortable around her and she has the same feeling she says. So we killed each other's loved ones and ran to Mexico with the insurance money. My spanish has come into some use here, but I'm not yet fluent enough to find out where some cheap Irish alcohol commodities can be found. Never mind though, this villa we have in our remote village is more than enough to satisfy me. For now though amigos I'm out. (Pedro the gardner is passed out drunk and is drowning from the hose being stuck in his mouth, poor guy thinks he was doing the world's largest keg stand everytime he wakes up) |
|
|
| Work and School |
[Jan. 15th, 2004|11:20 am] |
Dear gentlemen of the 9th st Chorus,
I apologize for my late abscence from my socialite duties but due to my current situations involving law, wealth, and prosperity, I have been busy with my perverbial nose stuck to the books, and my loins to the smooth, lubed, tenderly caring grindstone. Please though if you have the time give me a note. |
|
|
| Wasnt going to |
[Jan. 9th, 2004|04:26 pm] |
I wasnt going to put this in here but this is too great to be true.
 You are Alcohol!A little sloppy, a little hungry, and a whole lot horny. So what if you've had a drunken fling or two with puke still in your hair? You're the life of the party - well, if you can get invited... What Drug Are You?More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva |
|
|
| Ravel |
[Jan. 7th, 2004|01:23 pm] |
Yea this is one hell of an awkward year. Its amazing how marijuana usage can give so much insight into the awkwardness. I just picked up books and such from school and its seems the dawn of a new era is beginning. Soon my computer will be updated, I'll have a new vehicle and I will be freed from these restraints of childhood. This journal in a few weeks will no longer be so much used for my own ramblings but rather for what I intended it to be for. I will be posting updates on new happenings, pics of events, links to new sites and such shortly. Money just hasnt been cleared in the bank yet. So hold on tightly, and scream like the infantile fuck you are. |
|
|
| dont you ever |
[Jan. 4th, 2004|02:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | random white power songs | ] |
yea so i went out and had some fun with wolf last night... realized i'm a really awkward person and i need to stick to my gut instinct and stay in my house, only date the girl across the street, save money, and move to ireland. but eh, for now i'm enjoying some freedom i guess. had to talk to a cop for the first time in a few months... funny how once you've been arrested a few times you dont get your stomach all in knots when those sunglasses at 3 in the morning are stuck looking at you. for a few seconds i almost felt like i wanted handcuffs on me, maybe i'm just really horny. but yea i gotta get going on making this a good year. need to go the gym, stop drinking so much, actually be intentive to the girls that i should start relationships with... so on and so forth. i dunno i'm just kinda stuck on the fact that i just cant find a truly happy person anymore. i mean i'd have a smile on my face right now because of all the goods things that are happening, like perhaps getting a new car, new job, girl that most men cream while thinking about, releasing all my built up affection on the girl that most men cream while thinking about and then awkwardly smothering her with my body until she screams for help... but anyways like i was saying, i have my scars too. could almost still call them wounds, and i've kept my smile for a long time but it kinda gets faded when problems still persist. oh well blah, blah, yada yada, i'm going to go clean and work out or something productive. naw, i'll end up playing video games. fuck. |
|
|
| Where is my gun? |
[Dec. 28th, 2003|12:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Bored enough to eat a man | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Transplants-Weigh on my mind | ] |
So yea, I want to throw shit at somebody. Taking my meds again and aggression is building up. It's technically a month now till I turn the big 18. Not a big deal... but I want to start something up as soon as possible and my deadline to have the base down for it all is a month after my birthday. With support of my family and my college fund my attempt at dominating my surroundings seems to be on its way, just need to hone some skills, sharpen my instruments, and do what needs to be done.
Other than all that since the last time I wrote not much has really happened. Been kind of hinding in my house because I dont feel like there's much out in the world for me at the moment. The transformation of my image, that has been long awaited by me and some of my friends in a certain clique, is soon to start. This town will know little about who they should worship once I actually chose to devote myself partially to following a certain genre. The way I am going to partake in this special little scene as you may speculate it to be, will be far out of many individual's grasps (especially considering it will be me and those who will be capable of fully understand most likely have heard the tales of my past from a dear fellow). But yea like I said nothing's really been happening to this creature of habit. So uhhh.... go fuck yourself. |
|
|
| Taking shots with the Cubans |
[Dec. 19th, 2003|01:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Horny and tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | fuck you and your music. i need it not. | ] |
Intriguing indeed was today. Drinking on the job, loneliness, and mom falling out of bed. My bro is 8 now... and time for me to decide which to spend more money on, drugs, women, new computer, tattoo, or car. Most likely it will be an even divide amung all. Speaking of mung, I really need to get laid. Off with my shovle to find those un-popped goodness squirting givers. |
|
|
| you are okay too. |
[Dec. 17th, 2003|02:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Life can eat a big sheat | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sheat on sounds. I cut off my ears and feed them to you. | ] |
So I'm realizing that even though I've been somewhat intentive over the past 2 months or so, I'm going to see the time roll around when I can claim 3 years of being without a relationship. Reading that sentence no longer cuts to my heart in the broad way that it did when the number was 2 (making me think that it happens to some beings on this earth...) it more or less is like the feeling of a person-specific instrument designed for my own personal torture, slowly poking through my chest and hitting a nerve spot not known to man. I just took a smoke break to see if I could avert the emotional pain to the physical pain of death in my body... needless to say it didn't work. I suppose I should go ahead and say that today I was supposed to spend a lovely time with the girl I have been infatuated with, and like many times before friends and family came way before scheduled time with me. Finding that piece of knowledge for the millionth time it will be few short days before I cut the whole thing off and accept the fact that a relationship like that wouldn't be beneficial to either of us. I can already predict the approximate time that I will take after that to spend becoming even more comfortable with myself, and most likely become farther developed in that strength than the aged matriarch of my family, and then the time after that I will spend throwing myself around like a piece of meat in the same manner my peers do constantly... but it won't matter how much time I spend doing either of those, and the events that transpire during them, for it has become painfully obvious that there's little more I can do for myself. I've become a hopeless cause that only my beautiful mom can continue fighting beside me. And the simple fact that only my mom can soothe me by giving the same comforting sayings she's been giving me through this entire time is enough for me to know that its futile. For anyone out there that has someone that cares enough about them (friend or loved-one) to make sure everything is ok and that they know they still love them, never take them for granite for the sake of lonely people like me. Affection, sex, platonic love, and boosts of confidence are not hard to find but people that give a damn about you and can still share that electric feeling you have when you kiss, are. |
|
|
| Very much so |
[Dec. 15th, 2003|11:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Weary of my window | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fan to my computer going balls | ] |
More revelations are appearing. I made decent money today at work, and did a handy job if I do say so myself. Boss only threw one shit skittle today and felt bad about it. After work I ventured to buy supplies from the local depot of my enemies. It was then that I realized it takes a man to walk to up to those who threaten your life and look them in the eye and ask them if they're in line or not, and then go about business ignoring them for they are only shits. The weather seems to be skull prodding most people I see lately. Everyone's got a different take on how they should adapt for the things that will come. I suppose its no one's place to question methods but rather the place of, at least, myself to spur them on their chosen path. For me there are few drastic measures to overcome my follies lately. Though academically I may not have lived up to my expectations, I did beat out my fear of not having purpose. Things have become more clear as to how I should handle my affairs. Independence seems to be the only choice I can select for times ahead.
The festive feeling of winter has been touching my organs lately (quite refreshingly in all ways). I have chosen to give more than I will receive this year for smiles of those that will unwrap my heart felt gifts this year will be more than the tingle that I require on my jingle. The final stage of my childhood is precipitating this week, my brother will be 8 and thus bringing about short time till I will be of age for civic, financial, and family duties. My tears of regret have been shed for my days of not being the one that has to answer for my well being. Now my mind is platonicly focused on making my affairs show my inner strength inside. Soon only I will be able to answer for my puddles of disaster on this soaked community called my home. Due to that I am happy, because now starts my reign of my life. May a title of Signori be bestowed upon me as soon as deserved. |
|
|
| One well done gingerbread man |
[Dec. 14th, 2003|03:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Disallowed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Water filter for my fish, I should feed them. | ] |
So they caught Sadaam... wow, I remember when he used to threaten where I lived and I'd have to stay out in the heat during school because we were making sure his hench men didn't target us or the near by base. What a cock.
I've come to realize alot of new things lately... mainly that I've respected a large amount of people that are truly just one collective person. Their lack for individuality has made me both concerned and disinterested. Perhaps I was just drunk, but I really didn't think I was wisely spending my time last friday night.
Well I've more or less decided to invest more of my time into hobbies such as skateboarding again when ever I can afford a new board, and getting better at what I hope to do for a career, game design. I guess even if not all needs are met in the hierachy, self-actualization is a good way to avert futile attempts at achieving all else. Babies are needed to be made. |
|
|
| Ok so maybe i'm a little drunk |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|01:11 am] |
|
so i just had a heart to heart with my mom. and its really sad when telling the truth is just telling lies. i wish i wasnt what i was. i wish i could have a ignorant mom so she never really cared, because i dont want to hurt her. i wish i could tell who i really loved what i really love what i feel, but that's useless. in most the egotistical trip i couldnt show my family my real self. as much as i want to stay here and complete my life in the shit hole i was born in ( in order to avoid the painful realization that all the world is nothing but a game for cheaters like my sociopath self to take advantage of) i dont know if i could stay here and risk hurting those who are closest to me. i wish my grandma wasnt dying. she'd understand. now mortality is taking its toll and she's no more than a robot trying to accept that she cant even remeber the names of her own daughters. fuck it. i'm calling diana. she's the only person i've known to be partially sober. besides the fact that i'm inflatuated with her, i hope she'll make sense out of what i'm feeling. |
|
|
| So hidee fricken ho |
[Dec. 10th, 2003|11:04 pm] |
|
Skeeboob a doob indeed my lovers of loving. My held up rage is finally coming out again and morality has been sent back down the shitter thanks to my thirst for hell-bound glory. Today my virtue founded friend Wolf was experiencing the hells others angers. Being accused of something he truly didn't do, being harassed for it, tormented by it, and having to listen to shitheads trying to act like they don't know that their inner passions for each others lower lovings is because they are closet cases, is definitely enough to make me hungry, and I'm sure it was even more greatly appreciated by Wolf than by me. For reasons not yet to be disclosed, i will have end here for the night. |
|
|
| Uh oh |
[Dec. 8th, 2003|01:39 pm] |
|
Holy shit i've got more time to kill. More quizshits to squirt! |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
uamtuili's journal
