I'm not paranoid but that guy watching you kind of is.

Fri, 06 Feb 2004 05:11:38 GMT

You pull up
I could smell you coming for 30 minutes

You introduce me to your company
I show recognition of the existence of other life present beside you and me

You stand there looking more tempting than I picture you in my constant fantasy
The door stays between us but I can feel your touch already

We chat about today
While I think why you wont be with me tonight

You start to leave
I boldly move closer

Only a brief brush of skin to skin, lips to lips
but I never saw our eyes once meet

You leave
I stay to preoccupied with my disbelief in why you ignore what even you've said is between us.

I inhale and think of the reasons why not
Presence of awkwardness in our situation removes doubts and just leaves worries.

Semp to Pimp. Str8 Skillz style yo!

Tue, 03 Feb 2004 06:36:01 GMT

Apologies. And bless you. The new vehicular capabilities of my current purchase have kept far away from this hide-out of mine. Hence little postings and shittles for who ever the fuck cares. Things between me and my other have not been too great so I have taken a stance of letting her take control of the situation if she wants. If not there are other options for me, though I will miss this beauty who's eye I caught so quickly. Either way though new computer comes in tomorrow. 1GB SDRAM will be holding my nuts for awhile so there will be new great happenings from this individual. On a lighter note you're a sick fuck. Just look at yourself. Jesus Christ man, how pathetic can you be. Seriously what stops you in the morning from painfully removing body parts so you can feel the pain you bring upon the rest of us with your ridiculous imperfections. You make me vomit in a way only grandma could top.

ATTENTION

Tue, 20 Jan 2004 05:43:50 GMT

It has been brought to my attention by the behaviors of almost every individual I gain any information on, that you are all bitches. Please will someone have a strong will, an aggressive attitude, a violent action, a passion, or anything else but motiveless ponderings and piles of maladaptive biological scum for workings. In general I'm just ordering this to all individuals who might happen upon this writing. Its horribly sad when I continue to stay hiding from the society I know, not because of fear, but because of apathy for anyone's hopes out there. You have all displayed the traits of meat sacks being only moved by outside forces and having no drive at all to yourself. I am stating this for your own sake. Stop stating that you're unique, or trying to be unique. There is no need to use unrequired energy to hope to impress people out there so that they can know you are something special. The more you try to drive yourself for the sake of being an individual the less you are one. Take the paths that are infront of you and act how you shall in only the situations you are required to act and stop being a pussy shit that needs to stop and think about what you are doing. Know what you are doing, know where you are going. But dont attempt to get yourself there, be there. Please recognize that there is no past, no future, just now, and that the only measurement of self is how much of a force you can exert to change the present.

OP!

Sun, 18 Jan 2004 22:43:27 GMT

So I feel like a rich man now. I've been spending the last few days with a girl my friend introduced me to, named Jenn. I feel scarely comfortable around her and she has the same feeling she says. So we killed each other's loved ones and ran to Mexico with the insurance money. My spanish has come into some use here, but I'm not yet fluent enough to find out where some cheap Irish alcohol commodities can be found. Never mind though, this villa we have in our remote village is more than enough to satisfy me. For now though amigos I'm out. (Pedro the gardner is passed out drunk and is drowning from the hose being stuck in his mouth, poor guy thinks he was doing the world's largest keg stand everytime he wakes up)

Work and School

Thu, 15 Jan 2004 16:23:15 GMT

Dear gentlemen of the 9th st Chorus,
I apologize for my late abscence from my socialite duties but due to my current situations involving law, wealth, and prosperity, I have been busy with my perverbial nose stuck to the books, and my loins to the smooth, lubed, tenderly caring grindstone. Please though if you have the time give me a note.

Wasnt going to

Fri, 09 Jan 2004 21:43:01 GMT

I wasnt going to put this in here but this is too great to be true.

You are Alcohol!

A little sloppy, a little hungry, and a whole lot horny.

So what if you've had a drunken fling or two with puke still in your hair?

You're the life of the party - well, if you can get invited...

What Drug Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Where is my gun?

Sun, 28 Dec 2003 05:32:38 GMT

So yea, I want to throw shit at somebody. Taking my meds again and aggression is building up. It's technically a month now till I turn the big 18. Not a big deal... but I want to start something up as soon as possible and my deadline to have the base down for it all is a month after my birthday. With support of my family and my college fund my attempt at dominating my surroundings seems to be on its way, just need to hone some skills, sharpen my instruments, and do what needs to be done.
Other than all that since the last time I wrote not much has really happened. Been kind of hinding in my house because I dont feel like there's much out in the world for me at the moment. The transformation of my image, that has been long awaited by me and some of my friends in a certain clique, is soon to start. This town will know little about who they should worship once I actually chose to devote myself partially to following a certain genre. The way I am going to partake in this special little scene as you may speculate it to be, will be far out of many individual's grasps (especially considering it will be me and those who will be capable of fully understand most likely have heard the tales of my past from a dear fellow). But yea like I said nothing's really been happening to this creature of habit. So uhhh.... go fuck yourself.

you are okay too.

Wed, 17 Dec 2003 19:46:46 GMT

So I'm realizing that even though I've been somewhat intentive over the past 2 months or so, I'm going to see the time roll around when I can claim 3 years of being without a relationship. Reading that sentence no longer cuts to my heart in the broad way that it did when the number was 2 (making me think that it happens to some beings on this earth...) it more or less is like the feeling of a person-specific instrument designed for my own personal torture, slowly poking through my chest and hitting a nerve spot not known to man. I just took a smoke break to see if I could avert the emotional pain to the physical pain of death in my body... needless to say it didn't work. I suppose I should go ahead and say that today I was supposed to spend a lovely time with the girl I have been infatuated with, and like many times before friends and family came way before scheduled time with me. Finding that piece of knowledge for the millionth time it will be few short days before I cut the whole thing off and accept the fact that a relationship like that wouldn't be beneficial to either of us. I can already predict the approximate time that I will take after that to spend becoming even more comfortable with myself, and most likely become farther developed in that strength than the aged matriarch of my family, and then the time after that I will spend throwing myself around like a piece of meat in the same manner my peers do constantly... but it won't matter how much time I spend doing either of those, and the events that transpire during them, for it has become painfully obvious that there's little more I can do for myself. I've become a hopeless cause that only my beautiful mom can continue fighting beside me. And the simple fact that only my mom can soothe me by giving the same comforting sayings she's been giving me through this entire time is enough for me to know that its futile. For anyone out there that has someone that cares enough about them (friend or loved-one) to make sure everything is ok and that they know they still love them, never take them for granite for the sake of lonely people like me. Affection, sex, platonic love, and boosts of confidence are not hard to find but people that give a damn about you and can still share that electric feeling you have when you kiss, are.

Ok so maybe i'm a little drunk

Sat, 13 Dec 2003 06:50:54 GMT

so i just had a heart to heart with my mom. and its really sad when telling the truth is just telling lies. i wish i wasnt what i was. i wish i could have a ignorant mom so she never really cared, because i dont want to hurt her. i wish i could tell who i really loved what i really love what i feel, but that's useless. in most the egotistical trip i couldnt show my family my real self. as much as i want to stay here and complete my life in the shit hole i was born in ( in order to avoid the painful realization that all the world is nothing but a game for cheaters like my sociopath self to take advantage of) i dont know if i could stay here and risk hurting those who are closest to me. i wish my grandma wasnt dying. she'd understand. now mortality is taking its toll and she's no more than a robot trying to accept that she cant even remeber the names of her own daughters. fuck it. i'm calling diana. she's the only person i've known to be partially sober. besides the fact that i'm inflatuated with her, i hope she'll make sense out of what i'm feeling.

Thu, 11 Dec 2003 16:21:14 GMT

What Famous Leader Are You?

Uh oh

Mon, 08 Dec 2003 18:54:08 GMT

Holy shit i've got more time to kill. More quizshits to squirt!

Mon, 08 Dec 2003 18:48:19 GMT

The Oracle Advises...

Looking for someone to have hot sex with me

Ask the Oracle a Question

See how fucked up i could maybe, next to left

Mon, 08 Dec 2003 18:16:32 GMT

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid	\|\|	10%
Schizoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Schizotypal	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Antisocial	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Borderline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Narcissistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Avoidant	\|\|	10%
Dependent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Obsessive-Compulsive	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test